dontravis.com
blog post #389
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I’d
say that the Brits liked “Liam” as well as anyone else. While normally US
readers are by far the most numerous, readers from the UK almost equaled the
locals. Saudi Arabia came in third. I’d hazard a guess there are some repressed
feelings among that culture, wouldn’t you?
This
week, back to flash fiction. The following is a story in 880 words. And I used
a voice I don’t normally use when writing fiction: the omniscient. Let me know
how it holds together.
*****
Zack and Zel Went Up the Hill
Everybody in the little
farming town of Leghorn knew Zack Cryer went loco over Zelda Milhous. But the
young man had a problem. He broke into a sneezing fit whenever he was around
her. Allergies, most folks figured. Lots of locals suffered from that ailment
in this part of the country. Some had it hard when spring blossomed; others
endured the malady during the hay baling season. But it seemed like Zack was
allergic to his sweetheart, which meant he suffered “purt near year-round,” as
old Mr. Williams put it. Except for the two weeks each year when Zelda’s family
visited her grandmother down in Texas. Then he’d go from sneezing to pining,
moaning about how much he missed his darlin’. The more sarcastic villagers
muttered darkly about the mental soundness of a man who craved an absent
allergen. Things got so bad the kids made up a little ditty about his
predicament.
Zack and
Zel went up the hill, and Zack came down a sneezin’.
The town folk were of three
minds about this problem. Some claimed he really was allergic to her;
others said her perfume got to him; and still others didn’t give a whiz about
it at all.
Those who leaned toward the
olfactory explanation wondered aloud why she didn’t simply stop wearing the
perfume. Opinions differed about that as well. Her closest friends claimed she
really loved that particular aroma. Her not-so-close friends pointed out she
favored the perfume over her beau. Snarkier minds opined it was her defense against
Zack.
Whatever the case, Zack kept
hanging around Zel despite all his sneezing. Contemporaries in the perfume camp
who claimed it as a defense against Zack, found purchase for their belief when
Zel started seeing Mort Henderman, a bachelor farmer five miles down the road
from Leghorn who was a tad older than her twenty years.
Once again the town—eager for
gossip that didn’t involve the price of hay or the lack of rainfall—took note
and divided into different schools of thought. Some claimed Zel was being
practical, not romantic, and was simply seeing to a secure future. Mort was known
to own his 240 acres free and clear. Heck, there wasn’t even a mortgage on the
white frame two-story at the front of the property.
Others claimed the perfume
wasn’t doing an adequate job, so Zel took up with Mort to further discourage
Zack, although their belief looked a little shaky because Zel’s best friend
Mallory Higgins confided Zel was actually fond of Zack… except for his sneezing
fits.
The more elderly among the
town folk, nodded to themselves and tisk-tisked that the little strumpet was
simply a gold-digger. How else would you account for the difference in their
ages?
And as usual, there were those
who didn’t give a damn one way or the other.
It all came to a head in the
spring of ’19 when Mort Henderman suggested the honorable state of marriage to
Zelda Milhous. Everyone in Leghorn knew about the proposal before Zel had the
opportunity to show off her diamond engagement ring.
Zack Cryer did not take the
news well. He stopped sneezing enough to rant and rave and head straight for
the local moonshiner. He stopped paying attention to life—didn’t show up for
his job or swing by Ma’s Corner Café for his customary coffee and pancakes. He
just holed up in his little house and moldered.
There he stayed until he broke
out the front door early one afternoon, unwashed and unkempt, to stagger into
his old Ford pickup and weave his way through the town from end to end. Some
said he went out to the Henderman farm but headed back to town when he didn’t
find Mort’s Pontiac in the driveway. Others told about him checking in at the
beauty parlor where Zel worked, scaring the bejesus outa beauticians and
customers alike with his wild-eyed ranting before taking off upon learning Zel
wasn’t there.
The one thing everybody agreed
on was that Zack found the newly engaged couple at Ma’s eating a late lunch and
shot Zel dead with a big black revolver his granddaddy had left him.
From there, the accounts
differed. He pointed the Colt to his own head and claimed he was going to shoot
himself right in front of them. Or he threatened Mort with it. But all agreed
he turned toward Zel when she started screaming bloody murder. The muzzle of
his six-shooter followed the direction of his eyes, and a shot rang out.
Like usual, the town split
into camps. The gun went off by accident when Zack started sneezing. No, it was
deliberate. Maybe he was aiming at Mort. The gun was Mort’s, but Zack took it
away from him. Ah, well, the villagers sighed, the law will sort it out.
Children still chant their
ditty in Leghorn, but it has a new verse to it.
Zack and Zel went up the hill, and Zack came down a
sneezin’.
Zack and Zel went up the hill, and Zack came down a blazin’.
But one wag at Zelda’s funeral
probably put it best.
“Guess that proves there’s a
shot for every allergen.”
What camp do you fall
in? Did Zack shoot Zelda by accident? Had he intended to shoot Mort… or
himself, but fate dealt another hand? I have my own opinion and would like to
hear yours.
Until next week.
The following are buy
links for the recently released The Voxlightner Scandal.
Barnes
& Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-voxlightner-scandal-don-travis/1132632844?ean=9781640809260
Now
my mantra: Keep on reading and keep on
writing. You have something to say, so say it!
My
personal links: (Note the change in the Email address because I’m still getting
remarks on the old dontravis21@gmail.com. PLEASE DON’T USE
THAT ONE.)
Facebook:
www.facebook.com/donald.travis.982
Twitter:
@dontravis3
Buy
links to Abaddon’s Locusts:
See
you next week.
Don
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