She is there ... among my earliest memories. Although I didn’t know exactly what she was. A friend? Ally? Fellow conspirator? All of those at one time or the other. I sought her companionship, but it was elusive. She was always there, dancing ahead of me … ephemeral … just out of reach. Tempting, taunting, giving, denying. Such a tease. She often withheld things I was impatient to have. But she usually delivered them in her own good time. She was extraordinarily important to me in my childhood and youth – perhaps even my early adulthood … leading the way to the future.
I’m not sure when she changed. Looking back on it, I think the conversion must have been gradual, subtle. She picked up her pace, forcing me to rush after her. Things seemed to speed up as the years tolled. I didn’t mind. Life was happening. “Real” life, not “Preparation” life, like waiting to be old enough to go to school, itching for classes to end, hungering for graduation, eager for the first career job. No, I mean the real life of going to work, seeking promotion, finding the right life-mate, building a family, and settling in for the long haul. Somehow, my childhood muse no longer seemed so immediate … and let’s be frank … so important. Maybe that was what changed her.
Now, I sense her once again drawing near. Yet, there is a difference. I perceive not the laughing, amiable countenance of yesteryear, but a threatening scowl and grasping fingers. Claws, really. She grows menacing. Instead of leading, she pursues me from behind. Uncomfortable. Frightening, even. Enough so that I pick up the pace to stay free of her clutches.
When did she become a beast, an ogre, a fearsome creature to inspire terror? I don’t know. Will I ever seek her embrace again? Same answer … I don’t know.
Perhaps you do. If so, please tell me.
You see, the beast’s name is Time.
That’s it for this week. Thanks for reading, and let me hear from you.